Don’t worry. This is NOT a S.M.A.R.T goal setting exercise. It is, quite simply, identifying what you want and need sexually. When we skip past this step it is easy to see why many people are unsatisfied sexually.

Today we will focus on telling your partner what your sexual/intimacy goals are. If the word “goal” is discouraging, don’t think goal. Think about your orgasm. What got you there (you listed some of these things on day 3)?  What do you think would have gotten you there? Was it something you did or was it something your partner did? How can you achieve that again?  WHAT ARE YOUR BOUNDARIES? This is slightly different than our previous sexercise.


Write the answers to the following questions down in your journal: What are you willing to do? What are you willing to try? How often do you actually want to have sex every week? Do you like to have sex or is there something else that you are in to? What from Day 1 and Day 2 do you want to try? Again what are your boundaries and non-negotiables?

Next, talk through what you want to do sexually. The act of stating your intimacy goals directly is an overlooked step and can be the reason why so many people are not fulfilled sexually and their partners have no idea why.