Another thing that we have noticed and have had conversations about is one sided relationships and more specifically one sided sex. For example, every night when you lay down to bed, you and your partner spoon for a few minutes then one of you, the same person that initiates every time, makes a move that gets things going. This becomes predictable and makes it easier for one or both partners to lose interest.  


The person who initiates the least will take the lead today. Think about your habits not only in long term intimate relationships, but new or one time interactions as well. If you are the person who initiates most frequently, let the other person initiate.  If you are not initiating, do not make a move. Wait for your partner. Remember boundaries, limitations and consent.

Once you are done, write down and discuss how this was for you. How was it to wait? How was it to take the lead? How did you let the person leading know they were pleasing you?

If you are single or you don't currently have a partner, but do lead an active sex life, think about your initiation habits. Do you initiate? If not, try it next time. Do not worry about being judged. Of course, ALWAYS get consent, but once given, go for it. Make a move.  Also think about how you lead up to the ask. How do you know if someone wants to be intimate with you? Is it body language? Do they come out and ask? If you think that someone is interested, how do you respond? Do your actions welcome intimacy? How will someone you are interested in being intimate with know? Reflect on your process and find a close friend to discuss with.